I Am Lost

A streetlight flickers then fades out. The street now sits in darkness. Wind whistles through the trees giving off an eerie howl. The sun has begun its decline and can be seen resting against the skyline. A car rushes by, a worker anxious to get home after a long hard day at work. The town is quiet. Families huddle around their kitchen table, hunched over their dinner plates.

The constant hum of music pushes itself out of the earbuds hanging around my neck. The sound cuts into the cold peaceful night. It’s all that keeps me putting one foot in front of the other.

I could turn around. Head back home where I would be welcomed with open arms of never-ending warmth. But I don’t turn back. Instead, I continue to make my slow descent into the woods that surround the little village that I have been calling home.

My phone stays silent, either no one has seen the note yet, or there is no reception. I check my phone. The brightness of the screen leaves me blinking away stars. The latter had been right, I no longer have any way to contact anyone. I’m now out here alone where the everyday comfort of technology can’t reach me. To me though, that comfort is a curse.

I remind myself of where I am going. Of the freedom that will be mine once I get to where I have to go. There’s no turning back now. Even if I wanted to, the note declaring my need for independence has probably already been seen with not a tear having been shed upon it.

After a while, I lose track of time. The crows have been playing games in the air above me. Seemingly intentionally trying to leave my mind muddled and confused. The trodden grass beneath my feet turned to roadside miles ago but when, I can’t remember.

I begin to feel better until I feel a raindrop trickle down the back of my neck, leaving a cold wet trail. That’s when the sky opens up and a torrent pours as heavily as it possibly can, seeking out the last bit of warmth left in my body. I am then vacant of all hope I could have possibly mustered.

That’s when I begin to cry. My emotions run down my face along with the cold rain that falls from the thunderous grey clouds above my head. I have been feeling this way for years. Pain is like a shadow, whoever does notice it never takes a second look. Shadows are the most ordinary things in this strange world of ours. Many people are haunted by them. They are always there, yet never seem to do anything. That’s where pain differs. Pain, seldom seen but always wreaking havoc on my life.

I must have missed the day when everyone was given the gift of rose colored glasses, for my memories of the past are far from happy and pleasant. From a young age, I have presented myself with an overbearing curiosity for life. I simply would always ask why, whether there be someone capable to answer the question or not.

Now, years later, I am still the same inquisitive girl. Lost in my own mind and seeking for a way out of the maze that seems to have only one occupant... me. This is where my journey starts, completely drenched under many waterlogged layers of clothing, chilling me to the bone. I hadn’t really thought this through as far as I should have.

It was stupid of me to even think that I could get there without coming across any obstacles. Walking along the side of a poorly paved road, no one to accompany me on my long walk to who-knows-where. I thought I would know where I was going once I got away from that godforsaken town but I was wrong. I’m still lacking a clear-mind and sense of direction.

After a while the rain recedes, the only impression left being a slight wet sheen to the road and the clinging material of my clothing to my now frigid body. Instinct tells me that if I don’t remove the dank skivvies now, I will soon have pneumonia, or something worse.

Stripping myself of the damp clothes, I stand by the side of the long-forgotten road. The only protection from the incredibly small chance of a passerby being the thin coverage of trees flanking the side of the road. I was now as vulnerable as I could ever be, or so I thought. With not a thought of what to do next but wrap myself in the driest piece of clothing I had, I stepped out from the thicket and continued to walk.

It wasn’t long before my legs begin to wobble and give away from beneath me. It would only be right to give myself a break. Yes, my mind was full steam ahead but my physical state was a different matter entirely. I had never even prepared myself for the exertion that I would be putting my body through. With a huff, I plopped to the ground. My body needed a well-deserved rest and I was going to give it one.

Arms and legs spread out as far as they would go, I lay on the ground. My head pointing in the direction of what I assumed to be south. I let each breath out with a large exhale, amazed to see my breath form a quick white fog before drifting off into the late October air. This rest would give me time to think of where I would go from here. The next logical thing to do would be plan out my options.

I stared up at the cloudless sky. What would I have to do to get where I have to go, wherever that may be?

I had imagined my quest to be more like the dramatic wanderings of a protagonist in a movie. Sooner or later they find civilization and all is saved. In that short time they discover some type of wise knowledge that they hadn’t known previously and their life is changed. They then go on to changing the lives of others.

That’s how I imagined my quest. I guess I will have to endure these hindrances. Hope is all that I have left. Hope that the grass will be greener on the other side. I thought life was unfair but I had yet to realise that life was fair, life is fair because it is unfair to everybody.