Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. -Oscar Wilde
C. Atkinson
Inspiring Man Shares Secrets of What it Takes To find Yourself
"I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then." -Alice in Wonderland
Interviewer: How important do you think it is to know who you are?
Anonymous: Well, I think it is really important to know who you are because who you are dictates every aspect of your life whether it be how you treat other people, your likes, your dislikes, how you function, especially as an adult because it kind of guides you and the decisions you make and what you do with your life.
Interviewer: Should someone try to find out as soon as possible or let it happen naturally?
Anonymous: I believe in it happening naturally, because I know lots of people who try to force finding themselves and it doesn’t work out so they end up going in the completely wrong direction all together and they have absolutely no direction in life when that is all they are trying for. Whereas if you just kind of let things take their course, obviously you have to put some effort into it, but you’ll end up on the road you need to be on regardless of whether you try to push yourself.
Interviewer: Was there a defining moment in your life that you decided you finally knew who you are?
Anonymous: Not yet, like it feels like I’m getting closer, I feel like I know myself a lot better than I used to but I personally think you spend your entire life learning who you are. You kind of just have to keep working at it. It’s a learning experience. You just always learn more and more about yourself everyday. I’d say no, there’s not a specific moment when I felt like I now know who I am but i feel like there’s little things, little points where I kind of look inside myself and I almost give myself a pat on the back. I could just be standing washing the dishes and think about something I did that day where I knew I wouldn’t have had the strength emotionally or strength of character to have done that five years ago, three years ago, or just before. I learn things from those moments because I tell myself, “wow, you wouldn’t have been able to do that and now you can so…” and you’re looking back on it being glad that you are able to do that now, so that’s obviously something that you needed to learn or some part of your character that’s defining or some part of your character that is important to who you are.
Interviewer: What does it take to find yourself?
Anonymous: Do anything that makes you happy or makes you feel, in general so that you can continue to learn about yourself and figure out what makes you tick. Take classes, check some things off your bucket list, or just spend time thinking about what you want and who you want to be each day.
Interview: What would you suggest other people do to find themselves?
Anonymous: Do what makes you happy. Do things that feeds your soul because everything that resonates within you, that makes you want to do it again or elicit some certain emotion in you that’s positive is something you can reflect on and you should be reflecting on that to continue to know not only what you like and what you dislike but on a deeper level, to know why you like those things and what sort of person you are if you like those things.
Interview: Who are you now compared to who you were before, when you felt less like yourself?
Anonymous: If I were to compare myself to who I was five years ago, I know myself a lot better than I did back then. If I were to compare myself, I’d say the top three things that I’ve learned in the past five years is that I’d say I’m more analytically minded than I thought I was. Five years ago, I would have said that I was completely creatively minded, I couldn’t do anything that was cut and dry but now, I’m running a business, pretty much. Yes, I love doing the creative side of that but I’m also pretty darn good at the paper work and the everything else. Everything kind of goes together into one person. You’re not just creative or just analytical, you’re a mixture of both. So, I’d say that I’m more analytical than I ever would have thought I was. I’d say that I’m probably more level-headed than I used to be. I used to let my emotions get the best of me and dictate how I dealt with people or my actions. Whereas now, yes, I can feel those things but I can also separate myself from feeling those things and letting it consume me.
Interviewer: Is there anyone who inspired you to find yourself?
Anonymous: I’d say lots of people inspire me to find myself. Not just celebrities or anything like that but even characters in novels, characters in movies, or people on the streets, where I meet them and say, “oh my god, they are honest to god a nice person.” If I can get to the end of my lifetime and say, “you know what, I was kind, I was considerate to others, and I made something of myself, then I am doing pretty darn good.” I think a lot of different people, I could say I look up to and try to model myself towards them. Everybody that I meet, I find qualities in them that I find to be very positive or something that I should have in myself.
Interviewer: Is there any advice you’d give to someone who feels lost and confused with who they are?
Anonymous: I’d say relax. Again, don’t push it. Yes, you need to be doing things that will better your soul. Even something simple, you don’t have to be travelling the world or something like that. Yes, it would be nice and yes, you’d probably learn a lot from it but just relax once in awhile. Take a bath. Read a book. Do something that nourishes your soul, makes you feel positive about who you are and where you’re going and just take a breather because it’ll come on it’s own time and you’ll figure it out. But until then, don’t waste your time stressing out over it or letting it consume you.
Don't Worry, You'll Find It Eventually
For the vast majority of teens making their way through high school, homeschooling, or whatever type of education they are getting at that time in their lives just past puberty and still on the verge of becoming an adult, it’s an incredibly common thing to experience a feeling of being lost, not knowing who you are, or what your main ambitions are in life. For some, this can be a very scary thing to deal with, especially those who have to go through it alone or without any advice. That is why I’m here to give a helping hand to those who are at that uncomfortable stage in their life, have made it well past their teen years and still don’t have a clue, or are just looking for a bit of reassurance with the whole idea of finding yourself.
It isn’t just the teenagers that are lacking on the inner wisdom/complete self-understanding side of things. It’s incredibly common for women to be feeling the same inner turmoil. Studies show that women are less happy now than they have been in over forty years. With so little time on your hands and even less time to yourself, it’s understandable that some women feel so unhappy. As Robert Holden puts it in his book Happiness Now! "Happiness and self-acceptance go hand in hand. In fact, your level of self-acceptance determines your level of happiness. The more self-acceptance you have, the more happiness you'll allow yourself to accept, receive and enjoy. In other words, you enjoy as much happiness as you believe you're worthy of [emphasis added]."
The main goal that everyone should make when this happens is to make yourself the priority. Even making good use of that five to ten spare minutes of time can lead to a happy and healthier you. Small activities like calling a friend to chat, cuddling a pet, or putting your iPod on shuffle and listening for a few minutes can put you in a better place (WebMD).
I began this article by saying that high school is when you feel like you have to find yourself but by all means I’m not saying it’s actually required. No one is going to step out of high school knowing exactly who they are or who they want to be. Most teenagers do feel that pressure on them but it’s not a necessity to become an adult. If that were true, I’m sure there would be many adults out there who wouldn’t have passed the test. What is required is an attitude of acceptance and willing to find out who you truly are.
Now, this is where you need to get out your mental pen and paper because this checklist is something that you need to keep in mind for everyday of the rest of your life. This a simple cut and dry list of what it takes to be yourself.
1. Figure out what it is that you want in life. It doesn’t matter what your parents want for you, who your neighbors next door believe you to be, or what the kids at school assume you to be. When it comes to who you are, nothing else matters but thinking about yourself. That might sound pretty selfish but hey, we’re human and it’s basically our main mission in life to figure out who we are before we happen to kick the bucket. Take time to think about what it is you want in life, the things you really enjoy, and what makes your life worthwhile. When you figure that out, you’re one step closer. “You will find that if you try to shape your life around someone else's idea of perfection, you will fall flat every time. If you instead embrace your own idea of happiness, there's a good chance you will be more satisfied with the outcome.” says Katie Atkinson, Junior High Journalist for The Huffington Post.
2. Don’t confuse who you want to be with who you actually are. Yes, finding yourself is important but letting desperation cloud your judgement is the last thing you need in your quest to find your true self. Pin pointing an authentic perception of who we are is difficult when we’re the judge and there is no jury. Our self-knowledge is easily biased. Karen Wright of Psychology Today explains, “The fact is that we tend to flourish under the most challenging circumstances, and enduring the pain and confusion that often accompany them can bring out the best—and most authentic—in us, fostering such deeply satisfying qualities as wisdom, insight, and creativity. But our cultural climate is filled with an alluring array of distractions, from online gambling to video games, that often turn out to be junk food for the mind.”
3. Don’t let anyone change your mind. Once you do find who you are, don’t let anyone take it away from you, no matter what. I can guarantee that there’s going to be someone who doesn’t like who you are. Just because they don’t like it, that doesn’t mean you have to change, it just means you have to find better company to keep.
There are so many famous sayings that seem to epitomize the journey to finding yourself. These popular quotes remind us that losing ourselves can be the solution to find ourselves but when it all comes down to it, each and every person on this earth is unique. You might discover who you are in a much different way than your mom, your best friend, or your inspiring grade school teacher. However, there is one quote that hands down I fully swear by, and that is “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” spoken by the great Oscar Wilde.